:(

For the last twenty something years I looked up to you Jen and I should have not looked up to you.  I should have known it was wrong when I hit about 12 but you were so ingrained into my life by that time that I just did not want to give up and at 12 you really do not see the things you do when you are almost 28.  You know she was always that person that you say Oh that is just so and so’s personality don’t take offense to it.  Shit I even said that to myself a couple million hundreds times ~ and what I finely saw was that by just saying it is no big deal that she treats you and others that way, you are telling her subconsciously that it is OK to treat people like dog duty.  As this person is a strong person and takes pride in not getting walked all over I felt that maybe she was losing respect for me because I did not know how to tell her off and say you know what you should not treat me like that or anyone else for that matter and just walk away from it but I dealt with it for 24 freaking years of my life.So many times I have asked myself if that makes me a spineless wuss….  I thought she was a best friend and someone that loved me for my flaws and everything.  But in the end neither one of us loved each other like we did when we were ten.  We were on two WAY different paths and we finely came to that fork in the road and I guess you could say that we both kicked each other to opposite paths.  I know in the last year of our friendship I might not have been at my best friend behavior but I was getting so sick and tired of being told that because I don’t want to go to the bar and made a big deal that she would not respect my wishes and not ask me to go when she did because I could never tell her no without a huge fight.  She did not want to open her eyes and see that I had a drinking problem just like she did.  Nope I was holier than now for not wanting to go and for telling her that I don’t like myself after a night out on the town with her and some others.  Then she was in need of a roof over her head because she could not make the rent after her boyfriend moved out.  So I thought give it one more try Heather reach out and try to help her. The first three weeks went great I had so much freaking fun. We hung out for quality time.  We cooked dinner together and watched movies together and just hung out.  It was like we were ten again but this time around we were smart ten year olds and had a lot of good shit to talk about.  And then all of sudden she is not talking to me, storming into the house and going straight up to her room and would only talk to me via text messaging or emails.  For example I guess I was being loud one morning getting ready to go to work and I got a text message saying Bitch could you be anymore fucking louder. (A) have not lived with anyone for four years forgot that walls were thin (B) was not doing it on purpose I was prolly running late or something and rushing (C) she could have just walked downstairs and explained to me that I was being really loud and I would have said God I am sorry I did not mean to wake you up.  I will try to be quieter next time.  But nope got that text messageI was starting to hate those messages so I texted back Yeah actually I can be louder see here listen.  Then slammed a few cabinet draws.  (I know real mature of me LMAO but I was done being mature with her).  To top it off I was hanging out with a guy that I thought was going somewhere and she met a couple of times but did not realize like every other fucking guy I meet they became best friends with her and started wanting nothing to do with me.  Well one night I was venting to him because who in their own house wants a person slamming the doors not talking if there was a problem she should have flat out confronted me.  Well I wrote him saying that she is not talking once again and that I am sick of it and that I rather him living with me then her.  Well, him being a boy decided to copy the one line that said I rather him living with me then her and sent it to her.  She did not confront me about this until about two months later.  Which the text messaging and emails got worse because she was stewing over that one liner.During that two months her boyfriend that moved out of their other house and forced her to move into my home in the first place was over every night and spending the night every night.  I told her that I signed up to help her out and not her and her boyfriend.  Well to make it short I am a selfish bitch because I did not want her boyfriend sleeping in “HER” bed.  Of course not because he was taking showers in “MY” shower, turning lights on in “MY” house, watching “MY” cable, using “MY” dishes, using ”MY” wash machine the list could go on forever.  She could not understand that a third shower, third load of laundry, more dishes all cost me money as I had her living with me almost rent free in my eyes.  Nope I was just jealous that he was in my house because she had a boyfriend and I did not. Well fuck you Jen.  I am so sick and tired of hearing that fucking line.  You just are saying that because you don’t have a boyfriend has been said to me at least two to three times a year.  Well you know what honey I rather be single then having to depend on a fucking male to make you feel good about yourself.  I rather be single then cheat on one because I was not real sure about wanting to be with him like YOU cheat on every single one of the guys you have dated including your fucking husband. Maybe you are the jealous because I can be HAPPPY alone.  Because I don’t need anyone to belittle, to make them feel like they are an inch tall, to fuck up their heads up and hate girls after I am done with them.Also, no matter what we were fighting over she always had to bring in the fact that my parents have money and her’s don’t.  Well, my parents cannot afford that.  Fuck you Jen my parent’s money has nothing to do with anything that we ever fight about.  I am sorry that you parents cannot help you out when you are in desperate need of it and mine can help me out.  You should be thankful they were able to help as they provided you with a fucking roof over your head, a room to rent at the condo, food in your belly whenever you were in need, gas in your truck whenever you were in need of it, you might have hated 7-11 gas but you sure the shit never declined a tank of gas did ya????  A patio set that might have been old but they GAVE it to you with love in their hearts and a hope that you could get some enjoyment out of it.  My parents treated you with respect and kindness and all you can do is throw it in their fucking face. How many times was I there with extra dollars for you if you needed it, how many times did I pick up the fucking bar tab or the dinning tabs???? Never really was equal and you told me that a best friend is suppose to give you their last five dollars instead of keeping it for themselves but that there are no real best friends out there because everyone is selfish.  Jen you never would give anyone your last five dollars.How many times did I jump your car, push your car to side of road, pick you up because of your car problems?  And compare the one and only time you helped me out all other times you did not pick up your phone but the second you needed something you were on the phone to ME.  Pretty sad that you knew you could count on me and I learned a very long time ago that I could never count on you for anything.Guys, you have to understand that she was not the only one at fault because I know that it takes two to tango in any kind of friendship/relationship but that I am just venting that she really really hurt me.